In her book “Escaping the build trap,” Melissa Perri describes what happens to product managers when they misunderstand their role and push too hard in one direction.

I can attest from my own experience that effective product development requires a lot of balance. So let me share a paraphrase of the chapter (you’ll find the link to the book at the end of the post) along with my suggestions on how to deal with it.

Anti-pattern 1: The Waiter

A waiter is a PM who mindlessly rushes from one important stakeholder to another to prioritise and complete tasks.

This is common among project managers who move into a product role, as well as those who joined a startup at an early stage and got into the habit of blindly following the founders’ instructions.

Throughout my career, I have encountered this anti-pattern frequently: for my personality, it is extremely satisfying to check off boxes and get praise, instead of spending energy on arguments and proving my point.

How to offset this behaviour

First, try to find a counterpart. This can be someone on the team who enjoys arguing and challenging an authority. In most companies, senior engineers play this role. So instead of throwing things at them to build, create a safe space to get direct feedback.

Second, ask yourself if you would do the same thing if it was not cascaded from stakeholders (e.g., if it was your company) - if deep down you do not feel that confident, then you are probably trying to get someone’s job done

Third, do more testing with users, crunch numbers, ask someone you trust - in other words, do your best to gather more evidence to help you revise the decision

Anti-pattern 2: The mini-CEO

Another popular case is when a PM forgets that he has no direct power over his team and starts issuing orders.

There is a myth that product managers should be omnipresent and dominant (think of Steve Jobs in his early years). As a result, some managers opt for this “either you do it my way or you get fired” approach.

In my experience, it rarely pays off - people just leave, or they start telling you things you want to hear while making their jobs as opaque as possible.

How to offset this behaviour

To recognise when you are pushing too hard, watch for nonverbal cues - silence when asking for feedback, avoiding eye contact, feigning positive feelings at every meeting.

Try not to think of the team as your direct subordinates, but as long-term investors - after all, they are investing their time and energy in working on things you need. What’s in it for them? How can you align your goals with their aspirations and get them to buy in?

Anti-pattern 3: The “Leave it to me” PM

This behaviour is often seen in people with strong domain expertise - designers, engineers, or analysts who move into the product space.

They intuitively try to continue doing what they do best, and instead of developing a system and leading a team, they spend most of their time programming or designing.

The result is that “leave it to me” PMs quickly become a bottleneck, buried under tasks while the team struggles with the big picture and prioritisation.

How to offset this behaviour

As with the previous behaviours, the first thing to do is to notice the moments when you feel the urge to simply complete a task yourself. Do not try to interrupt it immediately. In my experience, it is difficult to forcefully change natural behaviour and often does not produce significant results.

Instead, add an opportunity for your team members to volunteer to help you - announce what you plan to do and make it clear where you need help. Keep doing this, day after day, and soon you’ll find that people start taking responsibility themselves!

Link to the book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Escaping-Build-Trap-Melissa-Perri/dp/149197379X